I just saw a tweet from Brad Frost talking about a request he got from a client.
Over the years I have had many similar requests, but alas, I didn’t save them. I thought it might be interesting to imagine what similar requests might have looked like over the years. Starting in 1998, the year I built my first website.
Sorry for faxing you out of the blue like this. I would like a page on the Information Super Highway . Must work in IE4 and NS4. Because of the issues with Java performance, please follow the geocities model and switch to Animated Gifs. Just need an under construction banner for now. Is this something you can help us with?
Dear webmaster, I’m starting a new business online and I need to create an AOL page that is a little like an Encyclopedia, think Encarta with less movies and more gifs. I want to get the AOL keyword “Encarta Online”. I was thinking a nice frameset with navigation on the left and content on the right. It has to be Y2K compliant. I’d then need someone to submit the site to all the major web directories. Is this something you can help us with?
Hi, I really need a WAP site and a Website that we can edit using FrontPage. It must have a contact form and it has to be built in Perl. Can you also add a “Works best in Netscape” gif on the bottom of the navigation frame. I am fed up of all the electronic and snail mail we get from Internet Explorer Users. For search engine purposes can you also add a sitemap and take all of the agreed keywords and repeat them in a white font on a white background so that my pages seem super relevant to Alta vista, Lycos, Ask Jeeves and Google. Is this something you can help us with?
I’d really like a website that takes advantage of all the new multimedia features in Internet Explorer 6. I’d like it to have a DHMTL splash screen, also it has to have a fly out menu. I think it would be really neat to have body text around 8px and preferably in a light grey colour to ensure as little contrast as possible with the white background. I can’t actually pay you right now, but this contract could lead to more work. Is this something you can help us with?
I’d really like a liquid layout website. So that the webpage doesn’t look too sparse on large screens. Can you use cascading style sheets and tables to make my website look great across all screen sizes from 17inch all the way up too 28inch CRT’s. It must look good in 800x600px and only use web safe colours. I’ve written the keywords for search engines, please use: ‘doctor, surgery, stitches, first aid, xray, pamela anderson, boobs,’. Is this something you can help us with?
I SEE YOU DO WEDESIGN AND CONSULTATION. I NEED A FLASH INTRO, HERE IS A STORY BOARD MY NEICE DID. SHE HAS PRETTY MUCH DONE ALL THE WORK SO I DON’T EXPECT TO PAY FOR CONSULTATION. IS THIS SOMETHING YOU COULD HELP US WITH?
I really would like a website makeover, I’ve been looking over the http://cssvault.com/ and I’ve been inspired by some of the amazing examples of work. Could you completely copy todays entry, but add our logo? I’d also really like our website to join the Blog-o-sphere. Is this something you can help us with?
I’d really like a new website for my online dating company. It’s really important to me that the text is really crisp, could you build me a website, a bit like myspace – but for dating, that uses sIFR to make the text look great? Is this something you can help us with?
I want my new company homepage to have a map feature on it. I want to use AJAX a bit like the new Google maps, but with my company logo in the corner. Also the logo needs to be bigger. I’m not so concerned about the design as long as it pops and is XHTML compliant. Is this something you can help us with?
I was looking for someone who could build my website using jQuery and Django. I’m not 100% on the idea but It’s going to be like digg.com but for dentists. I need it to be web 2.0 . For the first 3 years we should have the word Beta just under the logo, on the opposite side of the glossy badge. Is this something you can help us with?
I’m looking for a web designer to paint a website we have already built. I’m passionate about User centred design and so, to get you started, I’ve attached a list of websites I like.As additional information I also like big fonts, Model pop-up boxes and clever 404 error pages. Is this something you can help us with?
Hi, I’d really like to get a website built in Ruby. I want it to be completely open source so any developer can work on it, but different, in that, we would keep the intellectual property. As it’s open source, I thought our relationship would be more of a founder/partner one rather than a client/developer one e.g. no invoices. If you could build the site, design the site and get it on Heroku. I’ll look after the other stuff like the launch party, url, content and social media. I’m pretty sure I could get us on to TechCrunch. I’d be willing to do this free of charge. Is this something you can help us with?
I need an app. I want it to be native. It should do all the things my website does, but the story you are reading should change when you shake the device. It’s highly interactive features like this, that has led me to the conclusion that it has to be native. Is this something you can help us with?
I want to create a really original website that builds as you scroll down the page. You know, so like, elements would fly in from different angles. You could perhaps add the occasional static background for contrast. It should be on Node. Is this something you can help us with?
Hi I’m thinking of starting up. I haven’t done anything yet, except design the logo. Could you develop a single page website with a form for an email address? If more than 20 people add their email I will start to think about what my idea might be. It should use ember and handlebars and I need a full Mocha test suite to pass before it gets deployed. P.S that should happen automatically on GitHub commit. #DevOps
Have I missed anything? I’d love to hear your “requests” in the comments.